so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
there is glitter all over my balls
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