she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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