youre lurking in front of me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
