I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
