My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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