then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
