Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
