she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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