I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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