so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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