he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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