I think my vagina is haunted
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
