worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
