My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
