if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
