i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
