you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
