I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
