Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
