soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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