I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
