Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
