She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
