Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
