It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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