Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
