she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
