just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
