OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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