do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
