The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
