Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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