Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm passing your future prison.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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