She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
