champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
