so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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