She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
