I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
