If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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