FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
