I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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