oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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