she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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