she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
