I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
