lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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