I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
