I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
