I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
