I puked a lego.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
